Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Tony Sivanthaphanith's LiveJournal:

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Monday, May 1st, 2006
6:30 pm	Life. Speak. Listen. Hear. React. So I've been thinking now for quite sometime. At why the world sometimes is so loving and sometimes is so harsh. At why I know it will take years before we win certain rights. When all they have to do is give it to us and the fight will be over. Blacks fought for rights, but many still feel oppression. Women fought for rights, but many still feel oppression. The "gays" they call us are fighting, we face oppression. But in school, I learned to accept each other for who you are, be kind to others and they will be kind back. Do as others would do to you. Then why is it that we fight certain things like this issue of gay marriage, making us second class citizen. Because goddamn it, i'm fucking here and i'm not going anywhere. So what if I love a man, you love your father, your brothers right, your mothers and your sisters. I'm not a gay man! I'm a person we all know that, you, me, "them." Then why does it happen? I don't know, it's life, things happen. I try my best to move on from it, say hey, it will be ok. Don't be scared. Live your life the way you want to live it, the way others have showed you. I'm not scared of being gay or a minority, i'm scared can't see past it. Behind these eyes lay so much more that what the outside sees. I'm a man of dreams, of goals, of standards and morals. I am a man. I am a boy. I have a lot to learn still. But I take it as it is. So where am I going with this, I don't know. I'm just rabbling what is in my head. I want social acceptance. I want people to see that if you cut a gay man, a black women, a latino child, a asian mother, a white father. They will bleed blood like every other person. They will cry if you hurt them, they will speak up for what they believe. I mean even if you don't believe in something, go ahead and stick up for it, but don't rub in my face. That even goes for people within the same "community" as some would say it. I'm gay, that just a part of me. I joined the GLBTAU awhile back and for awhile it was fine. Then as I showed up less because of other activities I was involved in, I saw I grew farther away from certain members. That I walk into the room and they say Hi but now one really talks to me. I mean what did I do? Is it because I don't have the same opinions as some of them? Do they see me as a big party animal because I like to go out and I joined a frat? Do they not understand me, why I like certain things they do not like? But at the same time enjoy things they enjoy as well? What did I do to feel so left out of a group of people who are probably thinking the same thing as me? I don't know, I just shrug it off and talk to them as if nothing has happened. I don't know man. The world is a harsh place and it's scary to think sometimes there are gonna be situations you are gonna have to face that you don't want to face. All I know is that being gay and a minority isn't who I am. I'm Tony TST Sivanthaphanith. I'm a student. I'm a hard worker. I love Iowa Hawkeye football! I love to play soccer! I love musical theater! I love journalism! I love to shop! I love my family and friends! I am a boy but yet a man. Yet i'm none of that. I'm human and to face the facts is life. Any hoot. 7th heaven is on in half an hour. Peace out my life. Current Mood: contemplative (Comment on this)
Monday, March 27th, 2006
6:06 pm	My 21st, moving and life in general So it's been a long time since i've updated this thing... so here it goes... Life is well, switched back to Abercrombie and Fitch for work, Express just wasn't working, I just didn't like the way I was being treated. I can't wait to get to school and get done and out of here. I feel I know what and where I want to go now in my life and i'm taking steps to get there. Little Mary Sunshine went really well! It was a great show to be in, Pauline taught me a lot and i've improved so much. Lots of people complimented on my stage presents. We even had a record breaking show in attendance, 112+! My 21st birthday is coming up, but i'm not sure what I want to do for it yet, probably just Jakes for pitchers with the boys and friends. Oh and lets see that's right, I'll be leaving May 7th now to go to Cedar Point Amusement park for work for the summer, I couldn't be more excited!!! I'll be there until the start of school in the fall. So come and take a road trip to Sandusky, OH and visit me, it will be fun. Visit www.cedarpoint.com for more info. And finally, I can't condone enough how i am appreciative of all my friends I have made. Each and everyone of you mean so much to me and I hope I mean a great deal to you. (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 12th, 2006
12:12 am	It's been along time, since I left you, without a dope beat to step to... Damn kids been forever since i've updated... here's the DL... School: Classes started at Kirkwood, Iowa next week, yippe!! Wait all my classes are online because I needed time to get things in order and work and shit like that. But I think I will enjoy it. Can't wait for it to really get underway... Activites: I'm currently in the musical production of "Little Mary Sunshine" put together by City Circle Acting Co. It's going good and everyone is working really hard... you should come see it in Feb. I would LOVE it!! Love/Relationships: The love life, oh god my love life... Let see met a boy in Florida, going well, I like him, he likes me and well he's far away so friends is the best it will get. Met another guy, a truck driver, SUPER nice, SUPER sweet, really cares about me, I really care about him, but I was seeing someone at the time and now it's hard, I wonder what it would have been like to be with him, time will tell. Currently, still single, but I put all the other things behind me and went on a "date" i guess on Sunday, with Russ. I've liked Russ for awhile and it was a great date, lunch and then we sat and had a good conversation. I like him, hope more develops there. Work: Got a job at Express as a Stock Manager/Mangement team. It's fun at times, stressfull and annoying other times. Lots of competition, which makes it hard. Rank and senority rule that company, I don't like, I actually miss working at Abercrombie. If I find a great second job, i'll go back to Abercrombie in a heart beat. Life: I finally know what I want to do in my life. Write, design, fashion. I would love to get a job as a fashion consultant for a major company and write about and design for a magazine company. That is all... (Comment on this)
Thursday, November 17th, 2005
11:59 am	Old men, Muscials, and Weight! Damn it's been awhile friends! I haven't done the livejournal thing in a long time. So here it goes... I just finished with a production of Sweet Charity! It was so fun and i'm looking forward to more theater work! The cast was wonderful, I got to know them really well, and made really good friends. They were all nice and sweet. It was odd though being the deemed the "cute" one and being hit on a lot. But Rod and Tim are really cute so it was fun. It was a great time, making-out with Tim, bathtub and sauna fun with Rachel and Kate, being a player and all that jazz!!! Other things, i've lost 25 pounds to date! I'm at a steady 155! and a 30 inch waist that's 2-3 inches off!!! Way to go me!!! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 18th, 2005
1:27 pm	This weekend My weekend update. Not to much happened, Friday night I got home from work and went to bed because I had to take my parents to the airport for there trip to Laos, they'll be gone for a month! They got there fine, now I hope they get home the same way as well. On Sat. after I dropped off and saw my parents off, I tailgated, didn't go to the game, went to play practice, the work, then out to Field House for Mandy's 21st. It was a blast, hanging out with the Crombie's and drinking the night away, oru managers kept buying us shots and I kept asking for Three Wisemen, Jose, Jack, and Jim, wow, not a good combo, only one of those is all you need, I had three, plus free pitchers. I drunk dialed a lot, and then went home and passed out! But guess what I didn't go to STD 13, thank god, it's a love/hate relationship there, I think it was good I didn't go, I have no intention on going back this weekend or the next either, i'm taking a break from all that goes on there, mostly bullshit drama or what not. Sunday, had play practice and that its, did tons of homework. I also started my new diet this weekend, the old one was good, I lost 10-15 pounds and looked better. The new plan, gym 4-5 days a week, cardio and more weight lifting, i'm doing slim fast, along with eating leaner food, and taking supplements to help build up my muscles. I already feel it working and I feel better about myself. Kanye West Rocks!!! Last note... my phone is off, won't be on til like the weekend, e-mail if you need me... dukky14@yahoo.com (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 12th, 2005
12:53 pm	Survey's! SWEET!! 1. What high school did you go to? Muscatine High School 2. Year you grad ? 2003 3. What were your favorite band(s) or artist(s): Less Than Jake, New Found Glory, Vallyn 4. What was your favorite outfit? Anything that made me stand out a little, I had many shirts with sexual saying on it. 5. What was up with your hair? It changed, from short, shave, to my favorite, the mohawk! 6. Who were your best friend(s)? Jess, Elyse, Ben and Sean 7. What did you do after school? either sports, work or went home 8. Where did you work?Hy-vee, everyone worked at Hy-Vee in Muscatine 9. Did you take the bus?No, my sister took me then I got a car 10. Who did you have a crush on? Ben Krieger 11. Who did you date? No one 12. Did you fight with your parents? sometimes 13. Did you ever get detention? no 14. Favorite Subject? French, Ms. Sorden's class was the best and loved her Yorkies way to much. 15. Who did you have a CELEBRITY crush on? Ummm... Alex Baldwin 16. My Grades were? Very good, A average, number 2/3 in the class. I'm a nerd 17. Did you smoke cigarettes? no 18. Did you lug all of your books around in your backpack all day? When I got a really cool sling backpack I did 19. Did you have a clique? Yeah, it was clique, but we hung out with each other still. 20. Where was your Senior Prom at? the YMCA 21. Did you have a Max like "Saved by the Bell"? no 22. Admit it, were you popular? I think we all are in different ways. Mine was with the soccer crowd. 23. Who did you want to be just like? no one 24. What did you want to be when you grew up? Entrepreneur 25. What was the color of your yearbook? Gold and Purple 26. What were the colors of your school? Purple and Gold 27. What was your school mascot? The Muskie's (not the fish, the indian I think but I'm not sure, it was a huge mess.) 28. Did you have a teacher that you thought was hot? Mr. Hanson (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 11th, 2005
6:19 pm	Been awhile... Hey all! Man it's been awhile since i've updated.. well a week, but good enough. Here's what's been happening... School is going well, I did fairly well on two of my exams i've had and have nothing lower than C+ on them, which is very good, i'm proud, because I have been slacking, but i'm doing better now. I should pull off the 3.0 or higher I want this sememster. Other than school, i've been working tons, in Abercrombie terms, they schedule me 20 hours a week, which is more than the normal 5 hours most poeple get, and I usually work more sometimes because I have to pick up the slack for people. But oh well, I need the money. I did get a new job though, at Express for the new location, i'll work at Old Capital starting in two weeks! Which means I have to leave Abercrombie, my last day is next friday! But i'm excited, more pay, more hours, and more responsiblity! Kick ass. Daniel is right, there has been a shift, in who is hanging out with who, but it's all our faults to blame, the people I hung out with the beginning of last school year, changed when the second sememster started, then to summer and now it's a little different again. But no one's to blame, I do miss hanging out with my old friends and you know who you are, the old studio patrons I use to do stuff with and my frat brothers, but i'm finding a better balance now, only if I had time. With school, work and the musical, i'm finding it hard to spend time with people, and I don't go out as much and if I do, I go by myself because I don't much feel like going with a group sometimes, but meeting up with people. But hopefully we will all hang out soon again. Well it seems as though everyone has found someone special in there lives, well except me. I'm still single, but i'm not lonely, but do get lonely sometimes. I'll be honest, i'm not looking for anyone really, but there will always be a yearning for someone special in your life. I'm to busy right now and i'm really focused on what I need to get accomplished before I graduate, in a year, actually I get a degree this year too. How freaky is that, i'll have a AA, it's not much but it's a whole lot better than anything, and it could at least land me a job that will reinburse me for college, when I finish at Iowa. But man i'm growing up and it's happening really fast. I'm ready for the real world, my own place, my own things, even my own bills. I guess there comes a time to grow up and i'm there. I've partied and still do, but once I get a real job i'll have plenty of time and much more money for that. That is why i'm not really looking, I mean I have guys I like, tons, Rory, Rod, Justin, Eric, Adam and Tyler, but they are all my friends and I love them as my friends, if something happens down the road, it will but I'm not pursuing any of them, and they know that. But i'm allowed to have my crushes and them on me as well, but as long as we both understand i'm at point were I need time for myself then it will be all good. And because i'm not looking does not mean i'm going to hook-up come on we all know me better than that! well back to school work... Much Love, Tony, TST the one...the only... aka now the Nam-inator! Current Mood: chipper (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 4th, 2005
12:51 am	Change that, Justin is AWESOME but Adam is better! How does a guy choose?!?!?!?! Adam is closer in IC, but Justin is such a sweetheart, hmmm... the good thing is they both know about each other, so maybe friends is best for the both... who knows... damn, Adam how did you come about my life, Justin why are you so sweet, geez, i'm confused now... oh well, life moves on. Love you all! (Comment on this)
12:45 am	Holla back! Holla! Had some what good weekend. Football, tailgating, drinking.. the usual, did most of it by myself though because well a lot my friends pasted out early on Sat. but i'm a super trooper and did it twice again! The only down fall was Walter kept groping me at Studio on Sat. and I got really annoyed and pushed HARD into the wall, I honestly wanted to push him harder, but i'm better than that. I got to spend sometimes with Justin this weekend, he stopped by on Sat. so we had dinner and talked, it was nice just to see him. We decided to be a little more official, but know that the distance and him traveling so much is hard. So we understand that it shouldn't be to official, but we call each other boyfriends. Hopefully he will be down soon again and I can show him off!!! He's great! Anyway, back to my studies... (Comment on this)
Monday, September 26th, 2005
9:47 pm	Leave your name and... 1. I'll respond with something random about you. 2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you. 3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in. 4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me. 5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you. 6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of. 7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you. 8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 25th, 2005
11:29 pm	Your Personality Is Rational (NT) You are both logical and creative. You are full of ideas. You are so rational that you analyze everything. This drives people a little crazy! Intelligence is important to you. You always like to be around smart people. In fact, you're often a little short with people who don't impress you mentally. You seem distant to some - but it's usually because you're deep in thought. Those who understand you best are fellow Rationals. In love, you tend to approach things with logic. You seek a compatible mate - who is also very intelligent. At work, you tend to gravitate toward idea building careers - like programming, medicine, or academia. With others, you are very honest and direct. People often can't take your criticism well. As far as your looks go, you're coasting on what you were born with. You think fashion is silly. On weekends, you spend most of your time thinking, experimenting with new ideas, or learning new things. The Three Question Personality Test (Comment on this)
11:26 pm	You Are Chinese Food Exotic yet ordinary. People think they've had enough of you, but they're back for more in an hour. What Kind of Food Are You? (Comment on this)
11:40 am	Rest In Peace Nothing can account for the times we spent together, the time we shared at goofing off, doing homework, playing soccer, finding the ladies, having a good time. It's been awhile since we've seen each other, different schools, new friends, old friends, different times and places in our lives. But we stayed in touch and kept our friendship at the same level. I'll miss you Ben! May god be with you and you'll always be in my mind and my heart! My friend Ben pasted away this morning at 3am. I'm lost and confused. What just happened? How? Why? Current Mood: what just happened?!?!?! (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 20th, 2005
12:23 pm	From Calebs LJ From Andy's LJ Beverage (non-alc)? Water Beverage (alc)? Bacardi Diet Color? Red Food? Asian Seasme Chicken Salad Item of clothing? whatever is hot and looks good on me, which is everything Meal of the day? Breakfast Feature on yourself? face Quality in a guy/girl? heart Phrase? holla back young'n Song? Miss Me Baby- Chris Cagle Musical Artist/Band? Gary Allen, Chris Cagle, Babyface Sport? Soccer/tennis Movie? Fight Club TV Show? HBO Series Radio Station? don't know Type of Chocolate? anything with peanut butter Eye Color? dark dark brown, almost black Do you/Have you ever.... Have any pets? yes Smoke? no Drink? on and off Have any piercings? yes,2 in the ears, one other ;) Have any tatoos? one, want more Cheat on a boyfriend/girlfriend? no Gone streaking? yes Gone skinny dipping? yes Been to Europe? yes Been to an island? yes Had stitches? 34+ staples Broken any bones? yes Been stabbed/shot? only by a paintball gun Slept until after 12:00? Yeah, many times Stayed up all night? oh yeah Danced like a whore? sometimes Hooked up with 2 people in one weekend? never Turned down a dare? yes Would you ever.... Eat pizza with chocolate chips? already have Kiss someone of the same sex? ummm well duh, YES Cheat on someone you love? no Run away from home? where would i go? Lie to your parents? a lot Lie to your boyfriend/girlfriend? yes, but believe in being honest Lie to your best friend? same as above Give a homeless person money? no Run from the police? no Bungee jump? done it Sky dive? done it Cross dress? I do drag! Duh! Be an exotic dancer? never Walk out of a restaurant without paying? no Scuba dive? done it Go rock climbing? done it Go spulunking (caving)? Fuck yeah! What do you think of when you hear.... Eminem? crazy white guy Bologna? lunch meat Hott? Paris Hilton Orange? Tennesse Vols Real world? fucked up college kids Fuck? Penis Jack? Jimmy Jacks Rib Shack Cucumber? dirty Hip-Hop? Missy Elliott Uniform? major turn on Unicorn? dumb Rainbow? GAY Clown? IT (Comment on this)
Sunday, September 18th, 2005
10:52 am	45-21! So what a day I had on Sat. after being pretty tipsy on Friday from drinking, I woke up early Sat. to tailgate and was ok admit it drunk at the game, I only watch about have the game though. Found my way downtown to hang out with Tedd, then to Brocks to change and started my second wind of drinking. Wow, what a night it was, went to Vito's drank and danced, got some compliments on my dancing from some girls and a few guys. Once again I ended up at Studio at the end of the night, drank some more and danced some more. BUT people look at you weird at Studio when your yelling the Iowa score and then sing the fight song. What I LOVE IOWA HAWKEYE FOOTBALL!!! And everytime we win, I will yell it, who cares!!! Love, peace and music baby! (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 17th, 2005
2:25 am	Holla Bitchez! I'm wasted! Today was a fairly good day. It all started last night when Justin was driving through Iowa and asked if he could crash at my house. I was like sure, not expecting much, well I got more than I expected, we spent the night talking and then I fell asleep and when I woke up he was next to me with his arm around me and when I turned around he opened his eyes and kissed my forehead. It was the sweetest thing! It's like one part of my life wasn't going so well with someone but now there is a potential someone great, who I know really does like me. Only one problem, he lives in Indiana, and his job makes him travel the midwest and the northeast, so I really won't get to see him much. But we agreed that it wont' be any exclusive but that we both want something but when we can spend more time together and that we will make the most the time we have together now. I like that, I really like him and with me potentially going to school in Chicago next year it would be great! Ok, well after all that, I didn't make it to class because I slept in ;), but at around 3 I hopped in the cab, went to the court house to deal with my PAULA, then went to FAC with Harry and his neighbor girls, I got pretty tipsy pretty fast due to some rousing games of asshole, then I went to Daniel to help a him clean, though I was tispy. But it was a DDR night, so we went to Studio for our wristbands or hand marks, went back, drank some, played DDR, went to Studio danced, took more shots, drank some more, had a great time with the crew. Only bad part, when someone, who I think I knew who, hit my sisters car when she picked me up because he doesn't like me. Wes, can kiss my ass. Don't smack my sisters car, it's an alley way people are going to drive through it and you ain't hot shit, and I ain't either, we just people, get over it. Alright enough of this, oh wait, I had a surprise waiting for me at home after the bar, it was a teddy bear from Justin with a note saying he enjoyed the day, then he was waiting up for me, he decided to stay until after the Iowa game!!! Yippe!!! I'm going to cuddle now... Love all my friends, Daniel, Christen, Lauren, Claire, Caleb, Jonathan and everyone else!!! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, September 15th, 2005
12:21 pm	Facebook... I'm flipping out now, I spend way to much time on facebook.com and well today some girl IM'd me saying I was cute and such...her name is Angie, if that is really her, that makes now 3 or 4 people who have found me on facebook and have stalked me out... damn i'm getting scared.... why do i have to be so damn cute! (Comment on this)
12:20 pm	Your Inner Child Is Angry You're not an angry person. But when you don't get your way, watch out. Like a very manipulative kid, you will get what you want. Even if it takes a little kicking and screaming. How Is Your Inner Child? (Comment on this)
Sunday, September 11th, 2005
2:19 am	Tonight#2... Rory Damn! Rory showed up at Studio tonight. God, why do I like him so much! It's like I wake up and I think about him, I go to sleep I think about him. He is just always on my mind and I really don't know why. And I feel like it is all just slipping through my fingers and there is nothing I can do about it. I mean I asked if he wanted to watch a movie today on thursday but then his friend Paul showed up (who is cute by the way) and so he couldn't go. Then I kind of hung out around him some of the time and he just seemed like he didn't really care much for me to be around him. Then he's like introduce me to Jason, i'm like hell no, don't say shit like that around me. Shit, all he want's is a piece of ass, and when I didn't give it to him, he turned me down. Sometimes I wonder if I would have given it up to him, if things would have been different. I mean this is how much I really like him! Why though? I don't know why! The only other time was with Tedd, did I feel this way. But me and Tedd were together and every part of me still loves Tedd very much, but i'm more comfortable being his friend than his boyfriend, but it might because it's been a year since me and him have been together. I've only know Rory for a few months and shit like this takes time. I guess it just looked so promising in the beginning then it just went sour all of the sudden. I mean he said he liked me, we hung out for a bit. Then one night he asked me to stay the night, we cuddled all night, he had the look on his face, then after that it was like he got scared and ran away from me. Which is what I think he is doing. You can't really tell a person you don't want to hurt them because if you got into a relationship with them it would end badly if you there wasn't some type of feeling there because your not totally there. I don't know anymore. Somedays it is easy and somedays it is hard. He use to talk to me everyday online and now i'm luckly to get a hello or I have to start the coversation or drunk dial him to get an answer. He talks to everyone else but me now, it seems like. I'm sure I never would have known he went to Delware if I didn't say hi last week to him. I'm just frustrated with this. I want things to be well between us but they aren't it seems like. I want him in my life, the way I want him in my life, before it turns to I missed you and i'm to far away to be with him before I get to the point, where i'm like this is what you could had, but it's to late. I never thought it would be this strong this feeling i've got, this hard, this emotional. I never expected it at all, not at all. (Comment on this)
2:14 am	Tonight#1 The day started slow, my horoscope was wrong. #1, Iowa lost today, so did Michigan, and Ohio State, all big losses for the Big Ten. The Iowa lost got me really pissed today, which is probably why the rest of my day wasn't so good. It was going fine, hungout with Daniel, Lauren, Christian and some other girls I don't remember their names. We went to Studio and I came out 8 dollars richer, pretty sweet, but then someone showed up (Blog #2). Wes the queen he is started to talk trash about me, which got me pissed. Anthony from CR is a big prude too! Overall it was an OK night, hung out with good friends, the other stuff is just pity. (Comment on this)